Right Answer
Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye. The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: “Dear, breakfast is made. I’ve gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. “Joe,” he says to his son, “what happened last night?”
“You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.”
“So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?”
“Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there’s breakfast. “Joe,” he says to his son, “what happened last night?”
“You came home soused and got that black eye tripping over a chair.”
“So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?”
“Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take off your clothes, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone, I’m married!’
Special Lane
His new hybrid car was my friend’s pride and joy. He was always bragging about it and boring his buddies to death. As he was giving us a ride one day, he pontificated, “They should have a special lane for people who care about the environment.”
“They already do,” came a voice from the backseat.
“It’s called a sidewalk.”
Can't Talk
A man goes to his doctor and hands him a note that says, “I can’t talk! Please help me!”
“Okay,” says the doctor. “Put your thumb on the table.”
The man doesn’t understand how that will help, but he does what he’s told. The doctor picks up a huge book and drops it on the man’s thumb.
“AAAAAAAAA!” the man yells.
“Good,” says the doctor. “Come back tomorrow, and we’ll work on B.”
Ten Men and One Woman
Ten men and one woman are hanging on a rope that extends down from a helicopter.
The weight of 11 people is too much for the rope, so the group decides one person has to jump off. No one can decide who should go, until finally the woman volunteers.
She gives a touching speech , saying she will sacrifice her life to save the others, because women are used to giving up things for their husbands and children.
When she finished speaking... all the men start clapping.
Psychiatric Evaluation
The teenage boy seemed placid as I approached his hospital bed to give him a psychiatric evaluation. His mother was seated nearby, immersed in her knitting.
I walked over and introduced myself to the boy. He looked right through me and started screaming: “I can’t see! I can’t see!”
I had never witnessed such a dramatic example of hysterical blindness. “How long has this been going on?” I asked his mother.
Without looking up, she replied, “Ever since you stepped in front of his television.”
Written Test
Rob and Tom apply for the same job. They take a written test. “You both got the same number of questions wrong,” the HR person tells them, “but Rob gets the job.”
“If we both got the same number of questions wrong, how come he gets the job?” Tom asks indignantly.
“Well,” says the HR person, “one of his incorrect answers was better than yours.”
“Whoa, how can that be?”
“For problem No. 46, Rob wrote, ‘I don’t know.’ You wrote, ‘Me neither.’”
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